It's Tea Time​

Steam from the Teapot​​

An ongoing series of informational entries


September 5, 2019

     Did you want to see me broken? You loved watching my brokenness. You began to fade away the moment I decided to love myself not by words but by deeds. The oath I took with self to love myself wholeheartedly was the beginning of the evolution of me. 

     This question opens the fourth stanza of Dr. Maya Angelou's Still I Rise poem. A very relevant question to ask when you choose self-love. This question is one I pondered as I began my self-love journey. 

     My self-love journey continues to be bittersweet. My physical body went into detox as if I was addicted to heroin. I itched profusely so I had to check on this itch "thingy". Well, to find out being addicted to emotional pain is equivalent to being addicted to heroin. By God's grace, I have never experienced heroin yet I was addicted to something that is more addictive according to those in the medical field. Sounds about right. My physical body looked well so this struggle was an internal one that ruled my world. 

     My self-love journey has not been easy. It was truly easier to remain addictive to emotional pain than to detox and love self. In hindsight, I recall being addicted to the same man over and over again yet each one came with their own name. Well, a couple of times they shared the same name. This addiction had become my normal. I was addicted to the drug of toxic relations. 

     Healing through my self-love journey has been most empowering for me. I look forward to waking each morning to engage with the world from a place of love first with God and then with self. This new normal has offered me, me. I have the chance to love my self and learn to trust that inner voice. That voice I hear much clearer now that I learn to be still and listen. 

      Beautiful, no more excuses, no more pity parties, absolutely no self-loathing and no more blaming. Get up from all of that and do what you need to do to create a life you want to live. Self-love becomes evident when you have done the work to truly love yourself. I am free and a deliberate creator of my world because I choose me and my feelings over everything, everybody and even my "innEGrO" me who wars against my SOUL. This self-love is evident as I continue to do the work to secure the sustainability of this relentless self-love I have for me everyday. But the prerequisite self-love journey began with me becoming aware of all the pieces that makes me who I am as I learn to love myself beyond the ego and who I really am. 

You may be asking what am I doing to heal the emotional pain and love me. I tried all the formulas, society standards, countless self-help suggestions for decades. Yet, when I began to rumble with my addiction what worked for me were inside of me. It's a soul thing and the Lover of your soul knows the path. Trust your inner voice and clear the noise in your mind. You got this! 

One last sip, in the ending stanza these words so courageously were written rooted in faith, "Up from a past, that's rooted in pain I rise," yes, my love, you will rise. Read the article below for more information on self-love. 

Read more about self-love from a therapist viewpoint